Curse of the Candido

As some of you may have heard, Club Tundra here in Syracuse has recently fallen into the evil clutches of people that are actually interested in making real money (read: not live music). Pretty lousy idea if you ask us. You start making more than an average living, and before you know it, you're Bill Gates. Who the hell would want their hair to look like that? Not me, that's for damn sure. On a more serious note, the closing of Club Tundra brings the total number of establishments that Candid has single-handedly driven into the ground up to a staggering 217. This is an unofficial total at the moment, as the people in our statistics department can't seem to agree on whether the band was actually solely responsible for the fall of Fay's or Chase Pitkin. Nonetheless, we feel confident in our abilities to bring any business that shows so much as a glimmer of hope crashing to earth in a flaming wreck. Which brings me to the pitch. In an effort to recoup some of the cashflow we'll be missing, we are offering all-time low rates on curses. Tired of that Wal-Mart sign blazing at all hours through your bedroom window? Had enough of the Neil Diamond nightmare blaring from the karaoke bar across the street? Sick of that punk kid Joshua moving in on your lemonade stand territory? You know who to turn to. Give us a call today to set up a free consultation. What have you got to lose?

Candid. What goes up, must come down. Fast.®


Please note: Due to unchecked discrimination in American commerce and some really shitty luck, our credit and business accounts are shot. Therefore we can no longer accept checks or credit cards. All payments must be made in cash, booze, or adult book store gift certificates (the corner gas station that sells Hustler doesn't count). Thank you.